Heather Michelle Myers
December 3, 1986

You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Some people come into our lives and quickly go...
Some people awaken us to understanding with the passing of their wisdom..
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon...
They stay in our lives for awhile leaving footprints in our hearts
And we are never the same...

Remembering

Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died, you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry.
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing
The tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending that she doesn't exist.
I'd rather you mention my child,
Knowing that she has been missed.
You asked me how I was doing.
I say "pretty good" or "fine."
But healing is something ongoing.
I feel it will take a lifetime.

-Elizabeth Dent

Mike and I were married January 24, 1986 and we got pregnant right away. We went through the usual emotions. We were scared, doubtful, and full of joy. It was such a new and exciting time in our lives. We were adjusting to being married and now a new baby was coming. We had no clue there were any problems. My doctor kept changing my due date. I had undiagnosed pre-eclampsia more commonly called toxemia. An ultrasound done on December 1, 1986 revealed that our precious child had died. My labor was induced early on the morning of December 3, 1986. Heather Michelle Myers was born at 7:27 p.m., weighing 10-lbs. 13-½ oz. And 22” long. She had beautiful long dark hair and looked just like her daddy. The autopsy revealed she was 42+ weeks gestation and probably died due to post-maturity (being too far overdue).

The first year following Heather’s death was a blur for me. Around 85% of all marriages that suffer the death of a child end in divorce. I know we had a rough time for awhile. I couldn’t seem to let go of my grief and Mike buried his. We finally realized that men and women grieve differently. We began to talk and help each other out of the black hole we had fallen into. We survived some pretty bleak odds with our marriage and our love intact. Surviving your child’s death makes you stronger. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism in October 1987. I felt much better within a month of treatment and within three months I was pregnant again. We have gone on to have two successful subsequent pregnancies. We feel very blessed to have two healthy children.

The intensity of the pain has lessened over the years. However, you never get over the death of your child. Heather was a part of us and a part of each of us died with her. You learn to go on with your life and to live it the best that you can, but your life is different and takes on new meaning. We will never be the same. We have survived the single worst tragedy that can happen in anyone’s life. We had to. If you have experienced the death of a child our sympathies are with you. Please feel free to e-mail us if you would like to talk with someone who has been where you are now. The following are all links that we have found helpful.

SUPPORT SITES

Ryan's Story
http://members.tripod.com/~JJsdad/Ryansstory.html
This is my friend Maggie's memorial to her son Ryan, who was stillborn January 10, 1992. Ryan's twin sister survives. Maggie has an e-mail list for parenting surviving multiples. Please take a look!

Cassy's Page
http://www.geocities.com/kamidane42/cassyspage.html
This a memorial page for Cassondra "Cassy" A. Small. Cassy is the daughter of my fellow SomethingforNothing e-mail list member, Connie Small. Cassy was killed in a head-on collision on November 6, 2000. She was 20 years old. Please take a look at a mother's loving tribute to her daughter. Our thoughts and prayers go out to Connie during this most difficult time in her life.

Bereaved Parents of the USA
http://bereavedparentsusa.org/
This is a web site offering help and support for bereaved parents. Check it out.

Letters to Sarah
http://www.hygeia.org/letterstosarah.htm
This was written by Jennifer Goins-Caufman about her firstborn, Sarah, who was stillborn. She has captured my feelings and written them better than I ever could. You must take a look!

Angel's Memorial Wall
http://www.angelfire.com/az/angelsofourhearts/index1.html
This is a beautiful memorial page for our lost children. Please take a look!

SHARE Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support, Inc.
http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/
Support for those touched by the tragic death of a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth, or newborn death

First Person Pregnancy & Infant Loss
http://sids-network.org/storiespil.htm
Features articles by people that have been personally impacted by pregnancy loss, stillbirth or neonatal death

The Compassionate Friends
http://www.compassionatefriends.org/
A support group for bereaved parents and siblings

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Network
http://sids-network.org/pil.htm
An extension of the SIDS Network, Inc.

Pen-Parents, Inc.
http://www.penparents.org/
An international support network that matches bereaved parents so they can correspond

SANDS: Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Support
A support group for parents who experience miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death

SANDS is in all six states of Australia - two have web pages:

SANDS (Vic) - Victoria
http://www.sandsvic.org.au/

SANDS (WA) - Western Australia
http://www.sandswa.org.au/

For Those Who Have Had Miscarriages
http://www.ivf.com/misc.html
A mother who lost a child to neonatal death shares "truths and non-truths" concerning the grieving process as it relates to perinatal bereavement

H.A.N.D.: Houston's Aid in Neonatal Death
http://www.hern.org/~hand
A peer support group for parents whose babies have died anytime from conception through late infancy

Links to Other Grief Support Groups
http://www.jjt.com/~tcf/GriefGroups.htm
Links to other helpful support groups

The Goodbye Page
http://www.avalon.net/~goodbye/
A place of healing and remembrance on the web

SPALS Subsequent Pregnancy After a Loss Support
http://www.inforamp.net/~bfo/spals/
A support network for families who have experienced the loss of a child who are currently pregnant or are considering another pregnancy

Twinless Twins
http://www.fwi.com/twinless/
Support for twins who suffer from the loss of companionship of their twins through death, estrangement, or in utero loss.

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This page updated May 6, 2001